Monday, May 12, 2008
So,
Everybody's wondering where PlayItBogart went.
Well, I didn't go anywhere. I'm still gaming, still working 40 hours a week, still interacting with human beings.
I suppose the better question would be "Why did YouTube suspend PlayItBogart's account?".
It was Strike Three. Let me explain.
When you put up Shit You Probably Shouldn't, some bored employee at the company that owns the copyright to it surfs YouTube when he has nothing better to do to see if you uploaded The Gumby Christmas Special or Dr. Phil on The Simpsons. Then he sends YouTube a letter saying "tits or gtfo" and YouTube sends you a nasty letter saying you've committed a crime worse than ravaging the Pope.
In both instances, yes, I was probably in the wrong, and I didn't contest them. And for a time, all was well.
Then Take Two came along.
Yes, you know Take Two. They own 2K Games, Bethesda Softworks, and to some extent, Rockstar, the company behind the Grand Theft Auto series. Perhaps you've heard of them?
Evidently, they feel that the video "GTAIV - "Hostile Negotiation", the Michael Mann Edition" is a blatant, profit-stealing copyright-infringing non-fair use travesty and simply HAD to go. Which is kind of odd, considering my account is littered with clips from Take Two games such as Grand Theft Auto San Andreas, NFL 2K3, ESPN NFL 2K5, All-Pro Football 2K8, 24: The Game, Star Trek Encounters, and Star Trek Conquest, and they never had a problem with any of THOSE clips.
And since YouTube is too lazy to actually investigate claims, they just blindly follow whatever somebody with a company email address says and kicks your clips, and if it's the third time, your account and every other account tied to your email address goes bye bye.
This is of course, a bullshit claim by Take Two Interactive, since the video fell under the perview of fair use, what with it being nonprofit (I don't profit off my videos), entertaining AND factual (many viewers had no idea how GTAIV worked), didn't deprive any revenue from them (quite the opposite, in fact), and is transformative, being that I made it into something more than it was by itself.
So yeah, I'll file a counterclaim. In theory it would reverse the third strike and give me back my account. But by then the damage is already done. Take Two has already sullied their reputation with me, and YouTube being an accessory to it wouldn't make things any better, so I'll certainly be shopping for a new repository for my videos (which are all backed up in soft copies), but it would be nice to have the original account standing with all the original account for posterity. I'd also remove all content promoting Take Two Interactive from my account (As I've already done with my games collection, INCLUDING Grand Theft Auto IV), because if they feel that I can't promote their game using their game which I paid for and use it to encourage OTHER people to purchase their games, then I want none of it.
Not surprisingly, this throws the Star Trek review into jeopardy, seeing as four of the games featured in it WERE Take Two games (SPOILER ALERT: Encounters is clunky, Legacy is dull and broken, Tactical Assault is a dumbed down version of Starfleet Academy and therefore is fail, and I stopped playing Conquest after about two days). So that'll probably have to be backburnered AGAIN because at this point I don't want to go through it and remove the "infringing" content.
Allow me to reiterate - YouTube and Take Two Interactive may go fornicate themselves.
The only question is how hard and with how blunt an instrument.
In any event, the Rollergames video is now on Revver.
Well, I didn't go anywhere. I'm still gaming, still working 40 hours a week, still interacting with human beings.
I suppose the better question would be "Why did YouTube suspend PlayItBogart's account?".
It was Strike Three. Let me explain.
When you put up Shit You Probably Shouldn't, some bored employee at the company that owns the copyright to it surfs YouTube when he has nothing better to do to see if you uploaded The Gumby Christmas Special or Dr. Phil on The Simpsons. Then he sends YouTube a letter saying "tits or gtfo" and YouTube sends you a nasty letter saying you've committed a crime worse than ravaging the Pope.
In both instances, yes, I was probably in the wrong, and I didn't contest them. And for a time, all was well.
Then Take Two came along.
Yes, you know Take Two. They own 2K Games, Bethesda Softworks, and to some extent, Rockstar, the company behind the Grand Theft Auto series. Perhaps you've heard of them?
Evidently, they feel that the video "GTAIV - "Hostile Negotiation", the Michael Mann Edition" is a blatant, profit-stealing copyright-infringing non-fair use travesty and simply HAD to go. Which is kind of odd, considering my account is littered with clips from Take Two games such as Grand Theft Auto San Andreas, NFL 2K3, ESPN NFL 2K5, All-Pro Football 2K8, 24: The Game, Star Trek Encounters, and Star Trek Conquest, and they never had a problem with any of THOSE clips.
And since YouTube is too lazy to actually investigate claims, they just blindly follow whatever somebody with a company email address says and kicks your clips, and if it's the third time, your account and every other account tied to your email address goes bye bye.
This is of course, a bullshit claim by Take Two Interactive, since the video fell under the perview of fair use, what with it being nonprofit (I don't profit off my videos), entertaining AND factual (many viewers had no idea how GTAIV worked), didn't deprive any revenue from them (quite the opposite, in fact), and is transformative, being that I made it into something more than it was by itself.
So yeah, I'll file a counterclaim. In theory it would reverse the third strike and give me back my account. But by then the damage is already done. Take Two has already sullied their reputation with me, and YouTube being an accessory to it wouldn't make things any better, so I'll certainly be shopping for a new repository for my videos (which are all backed up in soft copies), but it would be nice to have the original account standing with all the original account for posterity. I'd also remove all content promoting Take Two Interactive from my account (As I've already done with my games collection, INCLUDING Grand Theft Auto IV), because if they feel that I can't promote their game using their game which I paid for and use it to encourage OTHER people to purchase their games, then I want none of it.
Not surprisingly, this throws the Star Trek review into jeopardy, seeing as four of the games featured in it WERE Take Two games (SPOILER ALERT: Encounters is clunky, Legacy is dull and broken, Tactical Assault is a dumbed down version of Starfleet Academy and therefore is fail, and I stopped playing Conquest after about two days). So that'll probably have to be backburnered AGAIN because at this point I don't want to go through it and remove the "infringing" content.
Allow me to reiterate - YouTube and Take Two Interactive may go fornicate themselves.
The only question is how hard and with how blunt an instrument.
In any event, the Rollergames video is now on Revver.
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
PlayItBogart's NES Games.
I suppose in the year and a half of operation on YouTube I never let anybody know what NES games I had, so:
NES GAME LIST AS OF JANUARY 29 2008:
1. 10-Yard Fight
2. 8 Eyes
3. Abadox
4. Adventures of Bayou Billy
5. Astyanax
6. Back to the Future
7. Baseball
8. Bases Loaded 3
9. Bionic Commando
10. Blades of Steel
11. The Bugs Bunny Birthday Blowout
12. BurgerTime
13. California Games
14. Captain Skyhawk
15. Crystalis
16. Deadly Towers
17. Dr. Mario
18. Dragon Power
19. Dragon Warrior
20. Dragon Warrior II
21. Duck Tales
22. Faxanadu
23. Final Fantasy
24. Gauntlet II (Out having a sex change to Tecmo NFL 07)
25. Godzilla
26. Gyruss
27. Hogan's Alley (Have Box)
28. Hydlide
29. Ice Hockey
30. IronSword: Wizards & Warriors II
31. John Elway's Quarterback
32. Joust
33. Karate Champ
34. Kirby's Adventure
35. Knight Rider
36. Kung Fu Heroes
37. Kung Fu
38. Legacy of the Wizard
39. The Legend of Zelda
40. The Lone Ranger
41. Magmax
42. Metal Gear (Have Box)
43. MiG 29 Soviet Fighter
44. Milon's Secret Castle
45. Mission: Impossible
46. NFL Football
47. Paperboy
48. Platoon
49. Play Action Football
50. Punch-Out!!
51. RBI Baseball
52. RBI Baseball 2
53. R.C. Pro-Am
54. Rad Racer
55. Rad Racer II
56. Rambo
57. Rampart
58. RoadBlasters
59. Rocket Ranger
60. Rollergames
61. Rollerball
62. Sesame Street Letter-Go-Round/Ernie's Big Splash (My first NES game)
63. Shinobi
64. Silent Service
65. Skate or Die
66. Skate or Die 2
67. Sky Shark
68. Snake's Revenge (Have Box)
69. Solar Jetman
70. Star Voyager
71. StarTropics
72. Strider
73. Super Mario Bros.
74. Super Mario Bros. / Duck Hunt
75. Super Mario Bros. 2
76. Super Mario Bros. 3
77. Super Spike V'Ball
78. Tecmo Bowl
79. Tecmo Super Bowl
80. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
81. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Arcade Game (Have Box)
82. Terminator 2: Judgment Day
83. Tetris
84. Tetris 2
85. The Three Stooges
86. Time Lord
87. Top Gun: The Second Mission
88. Touchdown Fever
89. Track & Field II
90. Wall Street Kid
91. Willow
92. Winter Games
93. Wurm: Journey to the Center of the Earth
94. Xevious
95. Xexyz
96. Zelda II: The Adventure of Link
97. 31-in-1 Famicom Multicart
98. 42-in-1 Famicom Multicart
99. 118-in-1 Famicom Multicart
NES GAME LIST AS OF JANUARY 29 2008:
1. 10-Yard Fight
2. 8 Eyes
3. Abadox
4. Adventures of Bayou Billy
5. Astyanax
6. Back to the Future
7. Baseball
8. Bases Loaded 3
9. Bionic Commando
10. Blades of Steel
11. The Bugs Bunny Birthday Blowout
12. BurgerTime
13. California Games
14. Captain Skyhawk
15. Crystalis
16. Deadly Towers
17. Dr. Mario
18. Dragon Power
19. Dragon Warrior
20. Dragon Warrior II
21. Duck Tales
22. Faxanadu
23. Final Fantasy
24. Gauntlet II (Out having a sex change to Tecmo NFL 07)
25. Godzilla
26. Gyruss
27. Hogan's Alley (Have Box)
28. Hydlide
29. Ice Hockey
30. IronSword: Wizards & Warriors II
31. John Elway's Quarterback
32. Joust
33. Karate Champ
34. Kirby's Adventure
35. Knight Rider
36. Kung Fu Heroes
37. Kung Fu
38. Legacy of the Wizard
39. The Legend of Zelda
40. The Lone Ranger
41. Magmax
42. Metal Gear (Have Box)
43. MiG 29 Soviet Fighter
44. Milon's Secret Castle
45. Mission: Impossible
46. NFL Football
47. Paperboy
48. Platoon
49. Play Action Football
50. Punch-Out!!
51. RBI Baseball
52. RBI Baseball 2
53. R.C. Pro-Am
54. Rad Racer
55. Rad Racer II
56. Rambo
57. Rampart
58. RoadBlasters
59. Rocket Ranger
60. Rollergames
61. Rollerball
62. Sesame Street Letter-Go-Round/Ernie's Big Splash (My first NES game)
63. Shinobi
64. Silent Service
65. Skate or Die
66. Skate or Die 2
67. Sky Shark
68. Snake's Revenge (Have Box)
69. Solar Jetman
70. Star Voyager
71. StarTropics
72. Strider
73. Super Mario Bros.
74. Super Mario Bros. / Duck Hunt
75. Super Mario Bros. 2
76. Super Mario Bros. 3
77. Super Spike V'Ball
78. Tecmo Bowl
79. Tecmo Super Bowl
80. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
81. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Arcade Game (Have Box)
82. Terminator 2: Judgment Day
83. Tetris
84. Tetris 2
85. The Three Stooges
86. Time Lord
87. Top Gun: The Second Mission
88. Touchdown Fever
89. Track & Field II
90. Wall Street Kid
91. Willow
92. Winter Games
93. Wurm: Journey to the Center of the Earth
94. Xevious
95. Xexyz
96. Zelda II: The Adventure of Link
97. 31-in-1 Famicom Multicart
98. 42-in-1 Famicom Multicart
99. 118-in-1 Famicom Multicart
Sunday, January 27, 2008
The New England Patriots - Good for the NFL all around
The two teams I was between were the Patriots and the Packers. It stems back to Super Bowl 31 where everyone said the Patriots would win, and I said Packers would. Packers did. But in light of their recent success (i.e. SB36), Pats won, and Packers became my backup team. Ya gotta have another team to root for if god forbid your team falls to the wayside.
The only way you wouldn't know anything about the Patriots success this season was if you lived under a rock, AND, if that rock had wi-fi coverage, you haven't been watching my material. First team to go 16-0 in the sixteen week schedule. Most touchdowns by a QB in a regular season. Most TD receptions by a receiver in a regular season. Most touchdowns. Most points. Etc. They've kicked ass, taken names, and are now the most hated team in the NFL.
But, why hate them? They have their shit together. A QB who throws. Receivers who catch. A line that protects. A defense that won't let up (Unless you throw short passes, they don't seem to like those). They're setting a new benchmark for excellence, and rather than cursing the Patriots for it, they should be encouraging their own teams to step up and meet the challenge.
Teams need to improve their defense a little more. It used to be that Brady could just throw toss after toss to Randy Moss for the score. But about 10 or 11 weeks into the season, everybody figured out "Hey, why don't we cover Randy Moss more?" That worked for about one drive before Brady just started throwing to everyone else like Wes Welker and Dante Stallworth, and now Randy Moss is a great decoy. Teams HAVE to cover him because he can generally beat single coverage if you aren't on the ball. I can't really recommend anything beyond "try harder".
Which leaves the offense. QBs have to get better, their lines need to protect better, and their receivers have to get more open. Sure, it's easy for me to dish out that kind of advice, especially since with football games you have the benefit of being able to see around you more open, but that's why they're the ones playing football and I'm not. Teams have gone back to throwing short passes for two yards that might run for another four, and it's a good tactic all around.
If the Patriots win the Super Bowl, not only will it cement the Patriots Dynasty, but it will also win them the label of "End Boss Of The NFL".
Teams have three options.
1. Improve their players.
2. Wait for the draft.
3. Wait five years.
Look at it this way. You want your team to beat the New England Patriots. You don't want the Patriots to lose. You want your team to win. There's a difference. A team loses when they self destruct and collapse under their own incompetence, and the other team stands back and lets the pieces fall where they may (see: Pats vs Ravens). A team wins when they rise to a challenge and excel. You know?
I want to say there's some kind of divine intervention at work in the New England region, what with the Patriots perfect season and the Red Sox winning their second World Series in recent years, but it looks like the Celtics are starting to fall back to Earth, and the Bruins are about average.
Honestly, I wish the Super Bowl had been Patriots at Packers. The awesomeness of the Patriots coupled with the history of Brett Favre? I honestly would not have cared who won, it would be epic either way.
FYI, Tecmo Super Bowl 2007 is repeatedly calling the Super Bowl in New England's favor over New York. You may laugh at this, but it also called the Packers/Giants game. Repeatedly.
So did Eddie Murphy.
DISREGARD THAT I SUCK COCKS
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
K, so
I was gonna make a big post explaining why people should love and not HATE the New England Patriots, but something's come up that I suppose I should comment on.
These comments are from my Rambo NES review. The AVGN, as could be predicted from every time a movie comes out that has a minor connection to an NES game, also reviewed Rambo for NES. People are making allegations of the AVGN blatanty ripping off my review (which I do for free) for his token expected review (which he is paid for).
You can watch them both and dicide for yourself.
I don't really care either way. I could get outraged about it, but what's that going to accomplish? It's not like there's any kind of legal recourse or anything beyond demanding an apology. We're all adults here (In theory), and I will admit his video does bear more than a passing resemblance to mine.
I would like to point out the irony in that when IrateGamer was accused of being an AVGN ripoff, the "AVGN Nazis" (Yes, that's an actual term) unloaded on him and refused to give him the benefit of the doubt. But when AVGN makes a video that looks an awful lot like someone else, it's all "...if you are review the same game you are BOUND to bump into same flaws". No shit Buckwheat? Suddenly it's not such an injustice when it's the other way around?
I personally am waiting for IrateGamer Nazis (Again, actual term) to flame AVGN by proxy as using my video as "proof" that he is a ripoff - they accused him of basing his Atari Porno video off an article written by Seanbaby.
I'm calling it - Sometime around Star Trek XI's release in December, AVGN is going to review Star Trek 25th Anniversary for NES, in addition to any other Star Trek games he has....just like I'm doing in March.
IN OTHER NEWS: I just got a new 72-pin adapter off eBay for my NES, and now it works great! I don't even have to push the cartridge down half the time.
These comments are from my Rambo NES review. The AVGN, as could be predicted from every time a movie comes out that has a minor connection to an NES game, also reviewed Rambo for NES. People are making allegations of the AVGN blatanty ripping off my review (which I do for free) for his token expected review (which he is paid for).
You can watch them both and dicide for yourself.
I don't really care either way. I could get outraged about it, but what's that going to accomplish? It's not like there's any kind of legal recourse or anything beyond demanding an apology. We're all adults here (In theory), and I will admit his video does bear more than a passing resemblance to mine.
I would like to point out the irony in that when IrateGamer was accused of being an AVGN ripoff, the "AVGN Nazis" (Yes, that's an actual term) unloaded on him and refused to give him the benefit of the doubt. But when AVGN makes a video that looks an awful lot like someone else, it's all "...if you are review the same game you are BOUND to bump into same flaws". No shit Buckwheat? Suddenly it's not such an injustice when it's the other way around?
I personally am waiting for IrateGamer Nazis (Again, actual term) to flame AVGN by proxy as using my video as "proof" that he is a ripoff - they accused him of basing his Atari Porno video off an article written by Seanbaby.
I'm calling it - Sometime around Star Trek XI's release in December, AVGN is going to review Star Trek 25th Anniversary for NES, in addition to any other Star Trek games he has....just like I'm doing in March.
IN OTHER NEWS: I just got a new 72-pin adapter off eBay for my NES, and now it works great! I don't even have to push the cartridge down half the time.
Sunday, December 30, 2007
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
It's The End Of The Sonic Franchise As We Know It (And I Feel Fine)
Ok, so a review in written form. I struggled with the thought of another Shadow review, and it really boiled down to “do I want to record a whole lot of new footage of this stupid game and spend an entire day cutting it together along with commentary just so I can say that Shadow fucking sucks and people are retarded for liking that game”?
Of course I answered yes. But the problem with Christmas is it’s hard to find five minutes to yourself between family and friends and women and football and your day job, and to be honest, I really don’t want to play Shadow anymore. It’s not just because the game is so godawful, but I die a little more inside every time I realize how far down the shitter the Sonic series has gone. Mario transitioned nicely to the third dimension and has come out with game after game after game after game after game after game after game after game after game after game after game after game after game after game after game after game after game after game, all the while Sonic is sitting stranded on a 727 on the tarmac.
The inherent problem with the Sonic franchise is while it is technically a platformer, it’s moreso based on running around as fast as possible while smashing into enemies, which is all fine and dandy for a 2D level strung up like a racetrack, but it just doesn’t work well in 3D. Take Mario 64 for example. 15 worlds with plenty to do and can be as explored as fully as the player wishes. Lots of platforming, lots of replay value, and it’s very fluid.
However, Sonic games are still stuck in the same philosophy. Sure it’s three dimensional and sometimes you turn left or right, but the principle is still the same. Run from Point A to Point B. No exploring. In fact for the most part if it were possible, you could zoom the camera out and to the side and just play it like it were 2D. Oh sure, this is rudimentary and isn’t overly horrible, but the standard of gameplay quality has been raised from generation to generation, and that sort of thing just won’t cut it anymore. You think Capcom could get away with releasing the same kind of Mega Man games they did 10 years ago? The Mega Man X Collection is a prime example of a rise and a fall of a series. It reached its pinnacle with Mega Man X3, and then went straight down after.
I suppose I should really go into detail where my origin in the Sonic fandom lies and what happened when. It all started, like everything else involving a video game as a kid, on Christmas ’93, I think. I got a Game Gear for Christmas from I believe my aunt Linda and uncle Robert. It came with Sonic the Hedgehog and Chuck Rock. I loved Sonic. I wasn’t so hot for Chuck Rock. And I was delighted with the maybe hour of gameplay I’d get out of six rechargeable nicads. And then the following birthday I got Chase HQ and Sonic Chaos. And then the next Christmas it was Sonic 2 and some Sonic comic books. And then the next birthday it was Sonic Spinball. And then the next Christmas was Dr. Robotnik’s Mean Bean Machine. And then the NEXT Christmas it was Sonic Blast.
And then it kinda just faded away. The TV shows weren’t on anymore. The comic book series had gotten boring after issue #50 (where Robotnik was killed). And there were no more Sonic Game Gear games coming out. And just like Journey after the Raised on Radio album, it just vanished without warning.
There was a small resurgence a few years ago when I finally got a Sega Genesis on the cheap from a neighborhood garage sale, which came with Sonic 2 and Sonic & Knuckles, among other games (who needs two soccer games, let alone one?). I’d had plenty of experience with Sonic 2 at other people’s houses who had Sonic 2, but S&K was new to me, and fun, despite the age and the lack of a Sonic 3.
The Sonic Mega Colletion Plus was released for PS2. I bought it. I loved it. Had all the Genesis games and some of the Game Gear games. Didn’t have Sonic 2 GG on it though, which was unfortunate.
And then one day I went and bought a Gamecube (Even though the Wii was coming out in five months), and at one of the local game shops I bought Resident Evil and Resident Evil 0. Turned out there was a buy two get one free deal, and I couldn’t pick another game, so the guy gave me Sonic Adventure DX.
I played it. It was alright. I liked the small choice of characters. Sonic ran fast. You could go exploring outside of the stages. The characters were unlocked in order of interest, the Big Three were first, and then your bit characters like Amy, that Robot, and that retarded cat.
There were of course catches. I hated Knuckles’ levels with a passion; I can’t recall a time in my life were I was more irate to hear a loud beeping noise over and over and over and over whenever I approached an emerald shard. The camera was annoying, but manageable. I didn’t care to play as anybody outside of the Big Three. I stopped caring about unlocking emblems since I already had most of the Game Gear games. Tails levels were redundant since they were just rehashes of Sonic’s levels but with time limits.
Something else I had a problem with: All of a sudden Sonic is interacting with vibrant cities full of humans. When did his happen? When did Sonic go from being a hedgehog on planet Mobius full of animals where the only human was Robotnik - which was a clever jab at how humankind is destroying the planet with automation, to a full blown human race and where the humanoid bipedal animals were the minority? Does the Sonic series even take place on Mobius anymore?
I got what I paid for.
So I’m frequenting EB Games one day and I see they have a near-mint copy of Sonic Adventure 2 Battle for GC for $11.99. I pick it up. Maybe they’ve fixed some of my concerns from the previous game? NOPE. Sonic is still running in a glorified straight line, the camera is even WORSE (instead of panning upwards and downward, it zooms in and out), and now for the most part I can’t pick who I’m playing as.
Rather than give me six separate characters to choose from, thus letting me decide if I want to run in straight line or be masochistic and listen to loud beeping over and over while I look for goddamn emerald shards with an extremely awful camera, the game forces me to pick a team of three characters, and now I alternate between them. Sonic runs, Tails rides retardedly hard to control vehicles, and now Knuckles has a full-blown rap accompaniment. Lovely.
They did something new though. They introduced some new characters. Rouge, some kind of nymphomaniacial bat, and Shadow, a black hedgehog. I’m not going to sit here and pretend to know what their deal is, because I honestly never bothered to play as them. I got pissed off after failing numerous times at some Tails level where he was riding this stupid airplane mech and wouldn’t stop falling off things or dying and vowed never to play Sonic Adventure 2 ever again.
And not just that, they took out the little free roaming feature where you could wander between levels, thus making the game fully linear.
But like I said, I simply stopped playing. I don’t know. Maybe the camera magically fixed itself. Maybe nonlinear random roaming returned. Maybe Sonic’s levels stopped being glorified two-dimensional race tracks. Maybe Knuckles stopped being a wigger. Maybe Tails got the fuck out of his mechs and became easier to control. I have no way of knowing.
Then Sonic Heroes came out. Now it’s four teams of three characters that you play all at once. Great! Now rather than having to play as two characters I don’t like alternating from level to level, I now have to play them all at the same time and stop the gameplay so I can switch to that character and do whatever task it is they do in order to advance!
Again, I’m assuming that’s the gist of the whole game. I played it for 10 minutes at my cousin’s house, so for all I know the rest of the game may not be like that.
And guess what? They introduced even MORE characters! There aren’t enough already? Now we have some pedo meat rabbit named Cream and whoever else is on Amy’s team, and team CHAOTIX, which is a croc, an armadillo, an a bee that nobody has ever heard of.
I’m lying. Sonic purists will tell me that the Chaotix have always been there. Which is also a lie. The Chaotix were never there. The Chaotix were only known beforehand to the four people in existence who owned both a 32x AND Knuckles’ Chaotix, and maybe the 10 or so people who read the comics. So four teams of three characters, in a Sonic game, we’re only playing as Sonic a twelfth of the time.
Let’s take “Team Sonic” out of contention. Let’s leave the other nine characters. Who is the average newfag Sonic fan going to pick as their favorite? Shadow! Why? Because he’s an anti-hero! That means he’s badass. And he’s black. Which means he’s evil or rogue or something else. I don’t know. It’s an overused archtype. No game can get the whole anti-hero thing down. Kane and Lynch failed. FF7: Dirge of Cerberus failed. GoldenEye: Rogue Agent failed. In the end, the game designers wind up creating unlikable douchebags rather than bold deep characters who play by their own rules.
So yeah, the kids like Shadow. I know! Let’s make a game about him! Let’s explore his backstory! Let’s make a brand new gaming experience! Let’s fix all the gameplay flaws! Let’s make this the best Sonic game ever! Wait, I’m being told that we’re just going to shine up the same shit and give it a different name. My bad.
The camera still isn’t fixed. We’re STILL just going in a straight line. There are STILL too many characters. But wait! Instead of fixing old problems, let’s create NEW ones! Let’s make it so you have to scour these straight line levels back and forth so you can kill 30+ enemies! Let’s leave the visuals intact so the PlayStation 2 has problems managing an FPS above 10! Let’s give Shadow a GUN.
A GUN.
Let’s look over Shadow’s resume briefly. He’s the ultimate life form. He can do fancy shit like transport all over places and unleash energy waves and fly and deflect bullets at stuff. So why does he need a gun?
Rather than go into a large philosophical and sociological debate as to why someone with such fleeting powers would choose to engage hostiles using a primitive manmade weapon, I’m simply going to quote a line from IGN’s review of Miami Vice: The Game for PSP:
“Take, for instance, its reputation system. While not the first game to have such a thing, the notoriety feature in Miami Vice actually comes with a trade-off: wear body armor and use badass weapons and you'll get through the level much easier, but do it with defenseless lounge singer clothes on and nothing more than your department-issued handgun, and your rep will go up a lot quicker.”
It goes back to the whole badass anti-hero thing. He’s doing it to look cool. Which…makes sense, for an idiot to do. But really, the guns are for the most part, optional. You don’t have to use them.
This leaves you two forms of attacking enemies:
A. Punch them.
B. Jump smash into them.
A is impossible because of course, Shadow’s punching radius is maybe two pixels farther than his character model, and gently brushing up against an enemy results in a loss of rings or a life. That’s another indication that Sonic is clinging to the same gameplay mechanic they used 15 years ago. Sure, back then, enemies always caused damage when they brushed up against you, but for the most part nowadays it isn’t always the case. I can take a game like Max Payne and have Max randomly run into people and sure, he won’t take damage from that (although their constant shooting may do him in), but still, if an enemy lightly taps Shadow (or whoever in this series) on the shoulder and all of a sudden it’s assault & battery.
B (for those who have forgotten, is jump smash) is too unpredictable for it’s own good. Basically, you jump, and then hit the jump button again, and Shadow flies forward. Sometimes. I like to use it as a means to get a running start. But it’s also an attack, and it will randomly auto-lock onto nearby enemies without notice, which is usually OK. Shadow will bounce off an enemy and kill them, and you can hit the jump button again to smash into the next enemy.
This is where it can get problematic.
Let’s say the level takes place on floating platforms (as many of the levels in this game do) and plummeting off the edge of the track results in instant death. If Shadow’s jump smash attack decides it doesn’t want to auto-lock onto enemies anymore (maybe they’re behind him or a little too far away), Shadow will jump in the same direction he was going if you make him. Often this is straight over the edge and right into death. So what are you supposed to do? You can’t tell when it’ll auto lock and you can’t tell when it’ll stop. And you can’t punch the enemies because it’s too much of a goddamn risk to Shadow’s life since he’s a super duper all powerful master being who can deflect bullets and zoom around and teleport and roundhouse kick enemies but is in fucking critical condition if you tap him on the shoulder.
You pick the gun up and you shoot them. Maybe THAT’S why they implemented gunplay, the other attack mechanics were too broken to be of any use.
So yes, the game is finally nonlinear, but this isn’t exactly a good thing. Like I said, you now have to do X number of things in order to change the storyline. And there’s usually a 2P character who’ll remind you how much you have to do. But at certain points in the track, the other character shows up to remind you what the OTHER objective is.
I stand corrected on something I said in my review. I said you had to manually change them back in forth in order to continue the objective. It turns out you can keep doing the other objective without it being the one actively displayed on the screen. However, you STILL have to change back and forth to have any goddamn idea how many more GUN soldiers you have to kill just so you can earn the label of “EVIL”.
So follow me here. We have an archaic gameplay design wherein the player runs from point A to point B. The quality of this gameplay was already suspect to major criticism. You NOW have to scavenge this track for X number of items or enemies. In a gameplay setup that is designed to accommodate a player who runs really fast, you now have to tread slowly and run back and forth completing objectives.
The Sonic series has degenerated into an old beat up 1992 Volkswagen Jetta. It’s based on old technology. You’ve put a spiffy new radio in it, but the speakers are still shitty. The seats are held together by tape. There’s a hole in the floor. The power windows don’t work. The gas tank leaks if you fill it more than halfway. And rather than replace this old car with a shiny new one, Sega insists on still driving it despite the fact that it’s degrading into a deathtrap with wheels and any cosmetic change is offset by something that still makes it unusable.
And even after all that, when the problems with the Sonic formula were more than glaringly obvious, what did they do? They released ANOTHER Sonic game! And now they just called it “Sonic the Hedgehog”. What, is it a remake of the original game? Where does it relate in the series canon? Does it tie up any of the plot twists from Sonic Adventure 2?
No, it’s just MORE broken gameplay mechanics! Now you play as Sonic, Blackie the Hedgehog and Whitey the Hedgehog! Good to know we’re being creative, Sega! I see we’re STILL creating too many poorly defined cast members and we’re STILL not upgrading the gameplay and we’re STILL driving that piece of shit broken down VW Jetta.
For the video review, I was going to buy the 360 version of that game and just snap it on camera, saying that’s what I thought of it. But what a waste of $20 that would be. There’s far better uses for $20 right now, such as alcohol and gameday snacks.
And really, I can sum up Sonic Team’s incompetence in one observation. THEY CAN’T EVEN REMAKE SONIC THE HEDGEHOG GENESIS PROPERLY. Everyone who has played Sonic the Hedgehog Genesis 15th Anniversary Edition for the Game Boy Advance has had an overwhelming urge to kill themselves. We have Nintendo remaking Super Mario Bros. all the time for various consoles, whether they be straight ports or enhanced ports or remakes, and Sega can’t even get their first game right ONCE.
As far as I know, there’s no plans for any main series Sonic games. And I honestly hope it stays that way. My inner child can’t take any more of this rape.
I have to wonder though, with the rash of people commenting on the Shadow review saying that Shadow rocked and that I was an idiot and a fatass (that shirt is actually very large), but they never specified if I was an asshole for hating the character or for hating the game. I have to say they think I’m attacking the character because there is no way in poo perfect hell that they could seriously regard Shadow the Hedgehog: The Game as anything less than utter shit.
I don’t know. I don’t watch the new shows. I see him as every other rational person sees him: Black Sonic with a gun. Nothing more, nothing less.
tl;dr: Shadow sucks.
EDIT: This is what’s nice about blog posts. If I decide I forgot to mention something or I thought up something else, I can just add more.
So yeah, the game has 10 normal endings. 10? 10 endings? I like variety but ten endings? What’s the point of 10 endings especially if there’s a FINAL ENDING that just invalidates the previous 10?
I’m gonna be honest with you guys. I didn’t play 100% of the game. Why? I don’t need to play 100% of a game to tell that it’s crap. I shouldn’t have to play 100% of a game to decide that it’s crap. I should have to play 100% of a game if it’s a single-entry game or if it’s from a series with a history of excellence. You know what I did? I downloaded a save file with 100% completion and just replayed most of the levels.
I have about 40 or 50 some odd games sitting around waiting to be beaten, at least six or seven of them RPGs. If Shadow the Fucking Hedgehog thinks I’m going to dedicate the time and energy needed to unlock every little piece of shit extra content, level, and swear word he has, he’s out of his fucking mind. I might as well just sit in my chair and do nothing for the next 48 hours, and I’ll accomplish as much as I would by finishing Shadow. “Cool, I finished Shadow. I learned nothing and it was the most unrewarding experience of my life. I think I’ll shoot myself now”.
But I think I figured out Sonic Team. Yessir I did. You see, there’s a hidden genius to what they’re doing. They remove whatever feature was good from their game for the sequel. Sonic Adventure, free roaming! GONE. Sonic Adventure 2, only have to play through the game twice. GONE. Sonic Heroes, you could at least play as Sonic. GONE. Shadow the Hedgehog, you only had to play as one poorly defined character. GONE. And since there’s no plans for another main series Sonic game, I can’t tell what, if anything, Sonic ’06 did right.
I want to say the Sonic series is the video gaming equivalent of the San Francisco 49ers but frankly that would be an insult to the 49ers. At least they have that backup quarterback Shaun Hill who’s showing some promise. What does Sonic have? The best thing he’s done in the last decade is not release a game in the last year.
Someone, answer this for me. Did Shadow retain his guns in Sonic ’06? Actually, you know what? Don’t answer that. That’s an admission that you actually played Sonic ’06.
I want to pose the question to people as to how to fix the Sonic franchise without turning it into a 2.5D sidescroller, but I seriously don’t think there’s a way to bring Sonic to the third dimension without him sucking immensely.
I still have no desire to ever play Sonic Adventure 2 again. Maybe it’s the one instance where I quit the game at the exact moment where it was going to pick up and all the problems were going to magically be solved. In the line of crappy Sonic Games, it’s certainly better than what they’re cranking out now. Sonic Adventure 2 is a fucking godsend compared to Shadow the Hedgehog. That’s kind of like saying Resident Evil Extinction is better than Resident Evil Apocalypse.
And before anybody puts my gaming talent into question, I would like to point out that I did do that speed run of Sonic 2 GG, so it’s not like I can’t hack my way through a naturally difficult Sonic game.
EDIT#2: Final edit, I swear. Basically, it all comes down to this. We could go back in time about 15 years and I could give you the choice between playing Super Mario World and Sonic 3 & Knuckles and you might have a hard time choosing between them. Today I could give you the option between Super Mario Galaxy and Sonic '06 and you wouldn't even have to think about what to say.
PlayItBogart says:
I could give you the option between Mario World and Sonic 3 & K, and there might have been a slight chance you could pick Sonic over Mario
PlayItBogart says:
Today I could give you the choice between Mario Galaxy and Sonic '06
WolferGiga says:
HAHAHAHA
PlayItBogart says:
You wouldn't even have to think about it long enough to know that Sonic '06 is crap
WolferGiga says:
playing sonic 06 vs eating my right testical.... hmmmm
WolferGiga says:
hard choice.
PlayItBogart says:
You know I think I'd rather eat my testicle.
PlayItBogart says:
Sorry fella, but you're gonna have to pack your bags. Maybe I can sell you to Lance Armstrong instead.
Of course I answered yes. But the problem with Christmas is it’s hard to find five minutes to yourself between family and friends and women and football and your day job, and to be honest, I really don’t want to play Shadow anymore. It’s not just because the game is so godawful, but I die a little more inside every time I realize how far down the shitter the Sonic series has gone. Mario transitioned nicely to the third dimension and has come out with game after game after game after game after game after game after game after game after game after game after game after game after game after game after game after game after game after game, all the while Sonic is sitting stranded on a 727 on the tarmac.
The inherent problem with the Sonic franchise is while it is technically a platformer, it’s moreso based on running around as fast as possible while smashing into enemies, which is all fine and dandy for a 2D level strung up like a racetrack, but it just doesn’t work well in 3D. Take Mario 64 for example. 15 worlds with plenty to do and can be as explored as fully as the player wishes. Lots of platforming, lots of replay value, and it’s very fluid.
However, Sonic games are still stuck in the same philosophy. Sure it’s three dimensional and sometimes you turn left or right, but the principle is still the same. Run from Point A to Point B. No exploring. In fact for the most part if it were possible, you could zoom the camera out and to the side and just play it like it were 2D. Oh sure, this is rudimentary and isn’t overly horrible, but the standard of gameplay quality has been raised from generation to generation, and that sort of thing just won’t cut it anymore. You think Capcom could get away with releasing the same kind of Mega Man games they did 10 years ago? The Mega Man X Collection is a prime example of a rise and a fall of a series. It reached its pinnacle with Mega Man X3, and then went straight down after.
I suppose I should really go into detail where my origin in the Sonic fandom lies and what happened when. It all started, like everything else involving a video game as a kid, on Christmas ’93, I think. I got a Game Gear for Christmas from I believe my aunt Linda and uncle Robert. It came with Sonic the Hedgehog and Chuck Rock. I loved Sonic. I wasn’t so hot for Chuck Rock. And I was delighted with the maybe hour of gameplay I’d get out of six rechargeable nicads. And then the following birthday I got Chase HQ and Sonic Chaos. And then the next Christmas it was Sonic 2 and some Sonic comic books. And then the next birthday it was Sonic Spinball. And then the next Christmas was Dr. Robotnik’s Mean Bean Machine. And then the NEXT Christmas it was Sonic Blast.
And then it kinda just faded away. The TV shows weren’t on anymore. The comic book series had gotten boring after issue #50 (where Robotnik was killed). And there were no more Sonic Game Gear games coming out. And just like Journey after the Raised on Radio album, it just vanished without warning.
There was a small resurgence a few years ago when I finally got a Sega Genesis on the cheap from a neighborhood garage sale, which came with Sonic 2 and Sonic & Knuckles, among other games (who needs two soccer games, let alone one?). I’d had plenty of experience with Sonic 2 at other people’s houses who had Sonic 2, but S&K was new to me, and fun, despite the age and the lack of a Sonic 3.
The Sonic Mega Colletion Plus was released for PS2. I bought it. I loved it. Had all the Genesis games and some of the Game Gear games. Didn’t have Sonic 2 GG on it though, which was unfortunate.
And then one day I went and bought a Gamecube (Even though the Wii was coming out in five months), and at one of the local game shops I bought Resident Evil and Resident Evil 0. Turned out there was a buy two get one free deal, and I couldn’t pick another game, so the guy gave me Sonic Adventure DX.
I played it. It was alright. I liked the small choice of characters. Sonic ran fast. You could go exploring outside of the stages. The characters were unlocked in order of interest, the Big Three were first, and then your bit characters like Amy, that Robot, and that retarded cat.
There were of course catches. I hated Knuckles’ levels with a passion; I can’t recall a time in my life were I was more irate to hear a loud beeping noise over and over and over and over whenever I approached an emerald shard. The camera was annoying, but manageable. I didn’t care to play as anybody outside of the Big Three. I stopped caring about unlocking emblems since I already had most of the Game Gear games. Tails levels were redundant since they were just rehashes of Sonic’s levels but with time limits.
Something else I had a problem with: All of a sudden Sonic is interacting with vibrant cities full of humans. When did his happen? When did Sonic go from being a hedgehog on planet Mobius full of animals where the only human was Robotnik - which was a clever jab at how humankind is destroying the planet with automation, to a full blown human race and where the humanoid bipedal animals were the minority? Does the Sonic series even take place on Mobius anymore?
I got what I paid for.
So I’m frequenting EB Games one day and I see they have a near-mint copy of Sonic Adventure 2 Battle for GC for $11.99. I pick it up. Maybe they’ve fixed some of my concerns from the previous game? NOPE. Sonic is still running in a glorified straight line, the camera is even WORSE (instead of panning upwards and downward, it zooms in and out), and now for the most part I can’t pick who I’m playing as.
Rather than give me six separate characters to choose from, thus letting me decide if I want to run in straight line or be masochistic and listen to loud beeping over and over while I look for goddamn emerald shards with an extremely awful camera, the game forces me to pick a team of three characters, and now I alternate between them. Sonic runs, Tails rides retardedly hard to control vehicles, and now Knuckles has a full-blown rap accompaniment. Lovely.
They did something new though. They introduced some new characters. Rouge, some kind of nymphomaniacial bat, and Shadow, a black hedgehog. I’m not going to sit here and pretend to know what their deal is, because I honestly never bothered to play as them. I got pissed off after failing numerous times at some Tails level where he was riding this stupid airplane mech and wouldn’t stop falling off things or dying and vowed never to play Sonic Adventure 2 ever again.
And not just that, they took out the little free roaming feature where you could wander between levels, thus making the game fully linear.
But like I said, I simply stopped playing. I don’t know. Maybe the camera magically fixed itself. Maybe nonlinear random roaming returned. Maybe Sonic’s levels stopped being glorified two-dimensional race tracks. Maybe Knuckles stopped being a wigger. Maybe Tails got the fuck out of his mechs and became easier to control. I have no way of knowing.
Then Sonic Heroes came out. Now it’s four teams of three characters that you play all at once. Great! Now rather than having to play as two characters I don’t like alternating from level to level, I now have to play them all at the same time and stop the gameplay so I can switch to that character and do whatever task it is they do in order to advance!
Again, I’m assuming that’s the gist of the whole game. I played it for 10 minutes at my cousin’s house, so for all I know the rest of the game may not be like that.
And guess what? They introduced even MORE characters! There aren’t enough already? Now we have some pedo meat rabbit named Cream and whoever else is on Amy’s team, and team CHAOTIX, which is a croc, an armadillo, an a bee that nobody has ever heard of.
I’m lying. Sonic purists will tell me that the Chaotix have always been there. Which is also a lie. The Chaotix were never there. The Chaotix were only known beforehand to the four people in existence who owned both a 32x AND Knuckles’ Chaotix, and maybe the 10 or so people who read the comics. So four teams of three characters, in a Sonic game, we’re only playing as Sonic a twelfth of the time.
Let’s take “Team Sonic” out of contention. Let’s leave the other nine characters. Who is the average newfag Sonic fan going to pick as their favorite? Shadow! Why? Because he’s an anti-hero! That means he’s badass. And he’s black. Which means he’s evil or rogue or something else. I don’t know. It’s an overused archtype. No game can get the whole anti-hero thing down. Kane and Lynch failed. FF7: Dirge of Cerberus failed. GoldenEye: Rogue Agent failed. In the end, the game designers wind up creating unlikable douchebags rather than bold deep characters who play by their own rules.
So yeah, the kids like Shadow. I know! Let’s make a game about him! Let’s explore his backstory! Let’s make a brand new gaming experience! Let’s fix all the gameplay flaws! Let’s make this the best Sonic game ever! Wait, I’m being told that we’re just going to shine up the same shit and give it a different name. My bad.
The camera still isn’t fixed. We’re STILL just going in a straight line. There are STILL too many characters. But wait! Instead of fixing old problems, let’s create NEW ones! Let’s make it so you have to scour these straight line levels back and forth so you can kill 30+ enemies! Let’s leave the visuals intact so the PlayStation 2 has problems managing an FPS above 10! Let’s give Shadow a GUN.
A GUN.
Let’s look over Shadow’s resume briefly. He’s the ultimate life form. He can do fancy shit like transport all over places and unleash energy waves and fly and deflect bullets at stuff. So why does he need a gun?
Rather than go into a large philosophical and sociological debate as to why someone with such fleeting powers would choose to engage hostiles using a primitive manmade weapon, I’m simply going to quote a line from IGN’s review of Miami Vice: The Game for PSP:
“Take, for instance, its reputation system. While not the first game to have such a thing, the notoriety feature in Miami Vice actually comes with a trade-off: wear body armor and use badass weapons and you'll get through the level much easier, but do it with defenseless lounge singer clothes on and nothing more than your department-issued handgun, and your rep will go up a lot quicker.”
It goes back to the whole badass anti-hero thing. He’s doing it to look cool. Which…makes sense, for an idiot to do. But really, the guns are for the most part, optional. You don’t have to use them.
This leaves you two forms of attacking enemies:
A. Punch them.
B. Jump smash into them.
A is impossible because of course, Shadow’s punching radius is maybe two pixels farther than his character model, and gently brushing up against an enemy results in a loss of rings or a life. That’s another indication that Sonic is clinging to the same gameplay mechanic they used 15 years ago. Sure, back then, enemies always caused damage when they brushed up against you, but for the most part nowadays it isn’t always the case. I can take a game like Max Payne and have Max randomly run into people and sure, he won’t take damage from that (although their constant shooting may do him in), but still, if an enemy lightly taps Shadow (or whoever in this series) on the shoulder and all of a sudden it’s assault & battery.
B (for those who have forgotten, is jump smash) is too unpredictable for it’s own good. Basically, you jump, and then hit the jump button again, and Shadow flies forward. Sometimes. I like to use it as a means to get a running start. But it’s also an attack, and it will randomly auto-lock onto nearby enemies without notice, which is usually OK. Shadow will bounce off an enemy and kill them, and you can hit the jump button again to smash into the next enemy.
This is where it can get problematic.
Let’s say the level takes place on floating platforms (as many of the levels in this game do) and plummeting off the edge of the track results in instant death. If Shadow’s jump smash attack decides it doesn’t want to auto-lock onto enemies anymore (maybe they’re behind him or a little too far away), Shadow will jump in the same direction he was going if you make him. Often this is straight over the edge and right into death. So what are you supposed to do? You can’t tell when it’ll auto lock and you can’t tell when it’ll stop. And you can’t punch the enemies because it’s too much of a goddamn risk to Shadow’s life since he’s a super duper all powerful master being who can deflect bullets and zoom around and teleport and roundhouse kick enemies but is in fucking critical condition if you tap him on the shoulder.
You pick the gun up and you shoot them. Maybe THAT’S why they implemented gunplay, the other attack mechanics were too broken to be of any use.
So yes, the game is finally nonlinear, but this isn’t exactly a good thing. Like I said, you now have to do X number of things in order to change the storyline. And there’s usually a 2P character who’ll remind you how much you have to do. But at certain points in the track, the other character shows up to remind you what the OTHER objective is.
I stand corrected on something I said in my review. I said you had to manually change them back in forth in order to continue the objective. It turns out you can keep doing the other objective without it being the one actively displayed on the screen. However, you STILL have to change back and forth to have any goddamn idea how many more GUN soldiers you have to kill just so you can earn the label of “EVIL”.
So follow me here. We have an archaic gameplay design wherein the player runs from point A to point B. The quality of this gameplay was already suspect to major criticism. You NOW have to scavenge this track for X number of items or enemies. In a gameplay setup that is designed to accommodate a player who runs really fast, you now have to tread slowly and run back and forth completing objectives.
The Sonic series has degenerated into an old beat up 1992 Volkswagen Jetta. It’s based on old technology. You’ve put a spiffy new radio in it, but the speakers are still shitty. The seats are held together by tape. There’s a hole in the floor. The power windows don’t work. The gas tank leaks if you fill it more than halfway. And rather than replace this old car with a shiny new one, Sega insists on still driving it despite the fact that it’s degrading into a deathtrap with wheels and any cosmetic change is offset by something that still makes it unusable.
And even after all that, when the problems with the Sonic formula were more than glaringly obvious, what did they do? They released ANOTHER Sonic game! And now they just called it “Sonic the Hedgehog”. What, is it a remake of the original game? Where does it relate in the series canon? Does it tie up any of the plot twists from Sonic Adventure 2?
No, it’s just MORE broken gameplay mechanics! Now you play as Sonic, Blackie the Hedgehog and Whitey the Hedgehog! Good to know we’re being creative, Sega! I see we’re STILL creating too many poorly defined cast members and we’re STILL not upgrading the gameplay and we’re STILL driving that piece of shit broken down VW Jetta.
For the video review, I was going to buy the 360 version of that game and just snap it on camera, saying that’s what I thought of it. But what a waste of $20 that would be. There’s far better uses for $20 right now, such as alcohol and gameday snacks.
And really, I can sum up Sonic Team’s incompetence in one observation. THEY CAN’T EVEN REMAKE SONIC THE HEDGEHOG GENESIS PROPERLY. Everyone who has played Sonic the Hedgehog Genesis 15th Anniversary Edition for the Game Boy Advance has had an overwhelming urge to kill themselves. We have Nintendo remaking Super Mario Bros. all the time for various consoles, whether they be straight ports or enhanced ports or remakes, and Sega can’t even get their first game right ONCE.
As far as I know, there’s no plans for any main series Sonic games. And I honestly hope it stays that way. My inner child can’t take any more of this rape.
I have to wonder though, with the rash of people commenting on the Shadow review saying that Shadow rocked and that I was an idiot and a fatass (that shirt is actually very large), but they never specified if I was an asshole for hating the character or for hating the game. I have to say they think I’m attacking the character because there is no way in poo perfect hell that they could seriously regard Shadow the Hedgehog: The Game as anything less than utter shit.
I don’t know. I don’t watch the new shows. I see him as every other rational person sees him: Black Sonic with a gun. Nothing more, nothing less.
tl;dr: Shadow sucks.
EDIT: This is what’s nice about blog posts. If I decide I forgot to mention something or I thought up something else, I can just add more.
So yeah, the game has 10 normal endings. 10? 10 endings? I like variety but ten endings? What’s the point of 10 endings especially if there’s a FINAL ENDING that just invalidates the previous 10?
I’m gonna be honest with you guys. I didn’t play 100% of the game. Why? I don’t need to play 100% of a game to tell that it’s crap. I shouldn’t have to play 100% of a game to decide that it’s crap. I should have to play 100% of a game if it’s a single-entry game or if it’s from a series with a history of excellence. You know what I did? I downloaded a save file with 100% completion and just replayed most of the levels.
I have about 40 or 50 some odd games sitting around waiting to be beaten, at least six or seven of them RPGs. If Shadow the Fucking Hedgehog thinks I’m going to dedicate the time and energy needed to unlock every little piece of shit extra content, level, and swear word he has, he’s out of his fucking mind. I might as well just sit in my chair and do nothing for the next 48 hours, and I’ll accomplish as much as I would by finishing Shadow. “Cool, I finished Shadow. I learned nothing and it was the most unrewarding experience of my life. I think I’ll shoot myself now”.
But I think I figured out Sonic Team. Yessir I did. You see, there’s a hidden genius to what they’re doing. They remove whatever feature was good from their game for the sequel. Sonic Adventure, free roaming! GONE. Sonic Adventure 2, only have to play through the game twice. GONE. Sonic Heroes, you could at least play as Sonic. GONE. Shadow the Hedgehog, you only had to play as one poorly defined character. GONE. And since there’s no plans for another main series Sonic game, I can’t tell what, if anything, Sonic ’06 did right.
I want to say the Sonic series is the video gaming equivalent of the San Francisco 49ers but frankly that would be an insult to the 49ers. At least they have that backup quarterback Shaun Hill who’s showing some promise. What does Sonic have? The best thing he’s done in the last decade is not release a game in the last year.
Someone, answer this for me. Did Shadow retain his guns in Sonic ’06? Actually, you know what? Don’t answer that. That’s an admission that you actually played Sonic ’06.
I want to pose the question to people as to how to fix the Sonic franchise without turning it into a 2.5D sidescroller, but I seriously don’t think there’s a way to bring Sonic to the third dimension without him sucking immensely.
I still have no desire to ever play Sonic Adventure 2 again. Maybe it’s the one instance where I quit the game at the exact moment where it was going to pick up and all the problems were going to magically be solved. In the line of crappy Sonic Games, it’s certainly better than what they’re cranking out now. Sonic Adventure 2 is a fucking godsend compared to Shadow the Hedgehog. That’s kind of like saying Resident Evil Extinction is better than Resident Evil Apocalypse.
And before anybody puts my gaming talent into question, I would like to point out that I did do that speed run of Sonic 2 GG, so it’s not like I can’t hack my way through a naturally difficult Sonic game.
EDIT#2: Final edit, I swear. Basically, it all comes down to this. We could go back in time about 15 years and I could give you the choice between playing Super Mario World and Sonic 3 & Knuckles and you might have a hard time choosing between them. Today I could give you the option between Super Mario Galaxy and Sonic '06 and you wouldn't even have to think about what to say.
PlayItBogart says:
I could give you the option between Mario World and Sonic 3 & K, and there might have been a slight chance you could pick Sonic over Mario
PlayItBogart says:
Today I could give you the choice between Mario Galaxy and Sonic '06
WolferGiga says:
HAHAHAHA
PlayItBogart says:
You wouldn't even have to think about it long enough to know that Sonic '06 is crap
WolferGiga says:
playing sonic 06 vs eating my right testical.... hmmmm
WolferGiga says:
hard choice.
PlayItBogart says:
You know I think I'd rather eat my testicle.
PlayItBogart says:
Sorry fella, but you're gonna have to pack your bags. Maybe I can sell you to Lance Armstrong instead.
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