Quentin Tarantino: Apparently a Kill Bill vol. 3 and 4 have been all but greenlit. For those of you who don't know, I consider Quentin Tarantino to be an absolutely horrible filmmaker. Rather than write it all out again, I'll post what I already wrote on another forum:
Quentin Tarantino does not make "movies". He wanks all over the film, inserts some of the most boring dialogs and scenes, and then puts in some violence expecting people will forgive the boredom for 10 minutes of Matrix-inspired slaughter. And then he just chops the movie in and puts the scenes in at random.
Kill Bill is absolute garbage and I still cannot fathom how anybody could like those movies. And I'm pretty flexible on movies.
(interlude)
Yes, I know what an opinion is. I just can't understand what of that movie is remotely likable. It's a drawn out piece of trash that didn't need four + hours to be told.
The only remotely satisfying part of the movie is the start of vol. 2 where the wedding crowd finally gets what they have coming to them. Who gives a shit what they all think? Everybody already knows they're going to die. The movie should just start with the Fucknut Patrol standing in front of the church.
WOW, FOUR MINUTES OF NOTHING BUT THAT GODDAMN PIECE OF SHIT OO OOO, OOO OOO OOO SONG FROM SOME TELECOM COMPANY'S AD. I AM SO GLAD I STOPPED DOING HOMEWORK TO WATCH THIS
OH U JAPAN PERSON SPEAK JAPANESE TOO? I SPEEK JAPANESE KINDA TOO. LONG POINTLESS TEN MINUTE SCENE ABOUT JAPANESE!
JAPAN JAPAN JAPAN JAPAN
JAPAN JAPAN JAPAN
We GET it, Quentin. You like Japan. You didn't need to waste four hours of my life telling me that. Why don't you move there like every other pretentious asshole who thinks the Japanese would welcome them with open arms.
(interlude)
Pulp Fiction is exempt from my hatrid because it's actually good. It doesn't jump all over the place (A format later used for Sin City), it features actors you know (Which gives it additional kickass value), and the theme of redemption is used well in this movie. Most of the dialog is actually pretty good, and it manages to entertain without getting too violent.
Clearly it was a fluke. I did not care for Reservoir Dogs, and Kill Bill can suck a fart out of my ass.
I don't like him very much.
Stuttering Craig and Handsome Tom/ScrewAttack.com: I don't like them very much. They're hypocrites. They go around proclaiming that you can't put their videos on YouTube because they'll lose money, yet they went ahead and pirated the entire movie of "The Wizard" for their site, even putting in their own Rifftrax ripoff commentary, which is lost profits for NBC Universal.
Their content isn't all that great either. AVGN isn't as fun as he used to be, all his remarks are just cliche now. Captain S (Perhaps their only good show) is over for now. Their podcast got boring. All they do now is crank out little Video Game Vaults for random games and make lousy Top Ten Lists, and both of those you could watch at GameTrailers without even visiting their site.
Plus they leeched $1,600 off their fanbase so they could go and be extras in Uwe Boll's Far Cry. What, Viacom doesn't pay them enough money that they have to suck it off their viewers so they can stand in a crowd and be on screen for maybe five seconds?
I don't know much about the movie business, but I know they generally pay YOU to be the extra and not the other way around. Just show up when they do a casting call for extras. I know Tim Buckley had the chance to apply to be an extra in Indy 4, which leads me to the next guy on my shitlist...
Tim Buckley/Ctrl+Alt+Del: He sucks, and his comic isn't funny. Even giving him the benefit of the doubt over the allegations that he sent naked pictures of himself to an underage forumgoer, and then banned everybody who had remotely anything to do with it, he's still a dick. He doesn't appreciate his fanbase at all, they're just a means to get paid. I haven't so much as smirked at a comic of his in weeks, unless he's changed the comic from a comedy into a drama.
I figured out his latest story arc, which many have begun to call "THE BOGART CODE". In this arc, Ethan (Tim Buckley in cartoon form) has opened his own church, the "Church of Gaming", so those of the Christian, Jewish, and Muslim faith are going to kill him.
The Church of Gaming represents Tim Buckley. The other religions is the growing number of people who have realized his comic isn't funny and is just a mash-up of stolen PA and VGCats gags, and stupid punchlines. Except, since Tim is writing the comic, the Church of Gaming (i.e. Tim) will come out on top and everyone will love it (The opposite of people and his comic).
When this arc is over, I'm going to have to fake an alternate version where Ethan dies. Of course, I'll have to be vague about the whole thing so as to keep from being sued. He's very protective of his meal tickets.
Also, I hate new Sonic, but you all know that already.
The AVGN isn't really on this shitlist, but I should mention that I think his game reviewing career is coming to an end. Since he went to work for Viacom with ScrewAttack, he's been castrated in what he can do with his videos since he can't put any licensed stuff in his videos apart from the game itself. Plus the whole random swear words has gotten old (Which is why you don't hear me invent swear words so often in mine). And now he just goes after topical games instead of really awful ones. If a movie is coming out that is even slightly related to a video game or event, he's going to review it (SEE: Spider-Man, Silver Surfer, Die Hard, Independence Day). Frankly I'm surprised he didn't go after the famicom Transformers game. It's not like he couldn't fake owning it.
Yes, you can curse at a game that sucks, but it can't all be about the cursing. And it doesn't have to be funny, it can be a very serious pitch or it can be epic (As the next review shall be).
The following is a review by an up-and-coming reviewer called IrateGamer. He reviews Ghosts N Goblins for both the NES and Arcade. Not only is he as clever as AVGN used to be, he has amazing production values.
9 comments:
Thats funny because people bash Irate about being an AVGN rip off but hes better than him now..hell a lot of people are better than him now, you included. I personally think he ripped off Armake 21 when he reviewed Independence day because to me it sounds just like an Armake review only shittier. Armake still makes me laugh. Also wtf was up with the snorting drugs off a baby penis joke? Its just sick and unfunny. Thats all we need in our reviews is pedophilia comments.
I have to say, I really do agree with you on the state of screwattack now a days, they really have lost alot of their integrity. Most of their content now seems like rushed garbage. The site has been going down ever since their partnership with gametrailers. They don't even find time to fix their goddamn site. The side pages have been screwed up since december.
One, Kill Bill blows. Yeah, it just sucks. I hate it too.
Two, Yes, I never visited Screw Attack much but I have been going there a lot lately and Craig seems to rub me the wrong way. I cannot place it . . .but everyone who i talk to who has ran into this guy seems to tell me that he is a dickhead. So, i really do not know.
What I do know is that I watch videos of them on talk shows and at E3 and they chime in with "Say Fuck Angry Nerd." or "The Nerd is going to make a funny face."
I shit you not. If you didn't see it, they made him make funny faces. And, I just look at the expression on James' face and it looks to me like he is dying inside.
Personally, that is how I feel and I wish people would stop raggin on AVGN -as, for some reason, I just don't think his recent suckage is his fault . . .not that I think he sucks recently.
One - Fuck screwattack. It's not that great. Like mentioned earlier, they can't even keep their damn website from having broken-link after broken-link.
Two - The Japanese image ensemble was fuckin' hilarious! haha
I just thought I would say that Pulp Fiction is good, but it does jump around and is told in a weird order. Did you miss that? Or did I misread something?
I have to agree with your comments on the AVGN, although I never really found him that...good. I think that reviewers like Armake, Spoony, and you tend to be a lot more informative, funny, and less annoying.
Then again, that could come from my annoyance with people who review games that came out twenty years ago. Yes, we know it sucks, everyone on the face of the earth knows. No, randomly cussing doesn't make it more entertaining, shut the fuck up already.
Ok... I have no idea if you'll read this, considering how long ago this post was, but I simply wished to voice my disagreement with your basic assessment.
QT: Not much I can say here, I doubt I'll change your mind. I enjoy his films, not necessarily as deep pieces of art, but as fun, quotable entertainments that have occasional flashes of depth.
ScrewAttack: Eh. The money thing does seem a little odd, but content-wise, they're OK as mildly fun timesinks when bored. They do seem to ignore games that don't involve shooting stuff every other second, which is annoying.
CAD: No idea about the pic thing, so I will give the benefit of the doubt. I enjoy the comic far more than PA or VGCats most days. Partly because it's not simply a gag strip, it's not serious either, but it's more a sitcom type thing. There's room for depth and drama that the other comics don't really try to do. I enjoy longer character based stuff like that, and... well, I do laugh a lot of the time at the jokes. They're dry, and a little absurd, but that's the fun. Kinda reminds me of Futurama, really.
AVGN: I do agree here, but for a slightly different reason. The swearing I don't mind, the topical's fine too. The scatological jokes? Gotta go. It was funny once, but it's disgusting, fake and predictable now. I can barely watch some of the more recent stuff to the end, but I regularly rewatch the Ghostbusters trio of reviews he did.
Anyhow, I hope this was at least entertaining, if not enlightening. Thanks.
My respect for ScrewAttack got really low when they said the Wario, one of my favorite characters was a real bastard.
I know it's only my personal opinion, but that pissed me off a little. I have so much fun with his games. More than I have with Mario games.
And, AVGN... I liked it when he was ANN. All the videos I saved from YouTube are from his Nintendo Nerd era. The only 'recent' one I really enjoy watching is the Ghostbusters one.
The rest is pretty much the same thing over and over. It's boring.
wow, replying to an article from half a year ago!
Anyway, I'm a huge fan, blah blah blah I can brown-nose for the whole damn post if I want to. Completely and totally disagree with your Kill Bill review. That said (and perhaps because of), it's one of the best I've seen. It's so refreshing to hear an opinion that's actually backed up by critical thought and facts that, especially in this day and age, it just needs to be pointed out and accoladed.
I don't have much of an opinion about Ctrl-Alt-Del since it's not a comic/site I pay attention to at all, and although your article is pretty convincing I'd have to admit that I'd be kind of a cocksucker to simply steal someone else's opinion (or, as I like to call it, OMFG THIS GUY WHO I REALLY LIEK SAYS THIS SO I'LL MINDLESSLY FOLLOW IT CAUSE IT'S COOL!, otherwise known as being a fanboy) without at least looking at what else is floating around.
I will say that you've changed my opinion about the Irate Gamer, however. Before I was a fence sitter and, like you, I really didn't want to get involved. But you've made your points and I have to say, I agree, the Irate Gamer's actually pretty good on his own merits.
Other than that, you're dead on about everything else. The whole Screwattack to Far Cry thing reminds me of all these rich millionares who run for office while at the same time clogging my damn phone with donation requests. Pisses me off.
Look forward to your posts and videos as they come, keep up the good work!
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